THE SILENT RECRUSE

THE SILENT RECRUSE 

The silence doesn`t kill me anymore,

As I have made a habit out of this,

I keep my good grievances  to myself ,

The same way I have kept myself away from you,

I carry my heart, that doesn’t feel so much heavy today,

It seems like I have practiced the art of keeping my inklings to myself, 

For so long today and tomorrow and for a while,

I want to remain quiet and not talk to you or anyone.

Or tell anyone how it feels,

I don`t want to cry or weep or lie or die,

I just want to remain caught in between the parallels of my life,

I feel my heart no more long for you,

I no more feel the perpetual urge to,

Remain in constant contact with you,

And I have learnt it from you, 

or maybe from the time being.

out and loud , I don`t know why you are so bad with comprehension,

maybe that`s just your way out ,

as my way out has become to not talk about it ,

if reaching out means a message of media of what happens around,

I am not here to listen out how your day went always,

I am here to be a human, to feel my emotions,

And what am I feeling? 

I am feeling that I don`t matter , or maybe I do.

But I don`t feel reached out enough, 

For more a message or two,

Its like , my resentment , doesn`t hold a value in your life,

Or maybe it does, but I can`t see it ,

I just lookout and go through  and decide, 

What would I do?

 If you would be discontented with something I have done , ever,

I would reach out immediately or maybe after a day or so.

But  days have past and I am stuck in and out,

I have become a silent recluse in my room,

Where I study economics and history, passionately ,

I mean, studying saves me , studying engages me ,

I really find us two unfit for love ,

Because the understanding dwindles down to negative,

I just feel , its so stupid to act and pretend as lovers,

When you really don`t know anything , of how the other feels .

I feel super empty and super empathetic at the very same time,

Like I should gave myself time to contemplate,

But you know , how I always rush things up,

That`s why I am still waiting for you to reach out to me,

So I would not create  a ruckus about anything ,

And not even reply to you, about how you made me feel,

Because now I don`t wish for this entire world or you,

I just wish to free myself from the fetters of feeling , falling and faltering . 

LEEZA