MORE THAN HALF DEAD

We all feel so lonely being in every  relationship , I mean, we feel we all would be better off alone if we gotta be this lonely being with someone. The empty holes inside our home, shout that we all need to spend more time with each other, while we shug off that feeling like anything. We just are glued to the idea of being in a relationship and not feeling the required love. 

We all are more than half empty, more than half sad, more than half frustrated,  more than half misunderstood, w more than half weak,  more than half lonely , more than half crying ,

More than half dying, more than half lying to ourselves, more than half not trying to bang our head against the wall , more than half thinking what if we were never born, we don't have to bear the atrocities of this shallow world ? Not sleep half mindedly, not wake up miserably the next morning, we could just not exist rather than rushing things half headedly. 

You might get few days feeling content but suddenly that content goes away and all of you again feel anxious in your guts and want to vomit that feeling of questioning everything and still you gotta move out of your bed and complete your tasks because you gotta earn or get life moving but this seems unbearable when your heart breaks, or you fail an exam, or can't get your dream body or find that you have no real friends but only you at the end and even that you, yourself stand in front of the mirror lying yourself that everything is gonna be fine and you are gotta figure things out ,for once you need to sit on the edge of your bed and put your head in your hands saying "fuck this, I can't anymore."

But what if you can, and you still don't want to? What's the point? Why are we doing this?

looking at the purposes of this instead but we find no space to breathe out and when we get too much space we get no space to be wrapped around in the arms of someone we always wanted to be. I  , you, us, we all live in the dichotomy to be loved, to be vulnerable but not so vulnerable that we start demising in our own identities and in the arms of our lovers, like we are melting down.We want to love from our whole heart but when we look at our heart, it looks empty, baffled, infuriated to love anyone, nonetheless the other. The deep mines of hide and seek we play with what we feel keeps us questioning that what do we really feel. 

Why are we mostly, or always annoyed at our partners, parents, kids, friends? We expect everyone to do the right thing and behave with us in the right cause, when we ourselves don't behave wisely enough to locate the calamities or concussions.But the question is " WHAT IS REALLY REALLY RIGHT? " There can be lot of perspectives and possibilities to this but the  most important to us seems like only what matters to us. So does it really matter? I mean we can still bore holes in hearts or fix it with flowers when we fail at anything but the crux is nothing really matters and we are living in a loop when some days we are gonna be fine, some days happy, some days just existing, some days barely existing, and some days dieing. 

So my question is " Why do you guys wake up every day? And do you do it willingly or miserably and if you do it willingly on most days, what  are you willing to do and how and if you don't, you can still bang your head against the wall or hug your mom " Whatever feels right.  (sarcasm) 

Leeza