THE DEATH OF ENSEMBLE

THE DEATH OF ENSEMBLE

When I die  

let me die, don't weep the world I have created or

The trees I loved or

The sky I looked at

Or the school kids that have smile on their faces even after having 3 consecutive days of tedious classes

Do bury my body

Or cremate me steady

But if you wanna live

Live me through the coffees you drink

The chocolates you eat

The articles you read

And the poems you write

It is young to be 23

And write death Poetries 

But who knows when will we all pass away?

Who decides the skies that sleep near grave?

I don't, you don't, the chancellor don't nor do the chief

Death is a gift, take it with a pinch of mourning but more of self realisation

That permanence is a sham

And immortality is no endgame

Evanescent is the only truth

I wanna die and get buried besides those lilies

Where the sun shines and the rain falls 

And the clouds strife to talk to me about that random Tuesday. 

People come and people go, 

You read my poems to relate to it through

But we would never get accustomed to the yearning of our motherland 

But I wanna still live in my childhood , when I was an ignorant maniac. 

I hope I was Anne Frank or her best friend, atleast

I hope Mahsa Amini was my neighbor 

So I could feel the loss of my life

And not practice compassion fatigue every time, I hear a news on the radio of some women dying in genocide . 

But when I die , 

Don't mourn me , 

I really feel that I was on this earth by some lacunae , 

Maybe God send me to check if all the devils are still alive? 

Blasphemous as I am 

Incompetent and Infamous as I

Give me back my diary

All the poems I write, should not be read publicly, cause I am still a juvenile. 

The world seems crumbling

And hell looks peaceful every time 

Don`t give me that newspaper , don`t open that damn tv , close that radio

I don`t wanna witness another bloodbath or a women crying for his son

Let me sleep , one night peacefully 

At least lemme peacefully cry ,

And we are told to strive, to be successful, to be the champions of our fate, 

sitting in one corner of the world, are we fortune or morally fatal, at this young age?

Why I feel so helpless and so relieved

That it wasn't me and it wasn't my damn family

But do I really want to live for the hope of it getting better? 

When all I could see is everything getting worse and shatter?

Am I just aware or am I living in one hell of the time? 

When will this decade end, when will I would feel bloody fine without blood clots in my mind? 

I don't want to see another day, but I still don't want to die, 

But when I hear the sounds of the bombs on the damn tv, I feel the sky is crying. 

They do say , everything is a debacle in another hemisphere , 

Because they practice so and so religion ,

And we should not worry because ours is peaceful and reverent ,

And we are destined to be born in one such 

And then they watch their favorite sports and play with colors 

but here I am sitting numb, feeling nausea in my gut ,

and emotional exhaustion till I sulk 

brain fog , emotional clotting and remorse in between meals

food is not food anymore,

war mongering is no more a crime 

my nation is so great , it is so non aligned ,

at least our leaders would protect us , so can I  sleep peacefully this time?

Bloody red, is my nation the next to be crucified?

Do I have oil, or barricade, but please don't take away my books and my pens because I read.

I wanna write, I wanna ascribe , poems of peace , hope and health for my soldiers 

I don't stand with any side, all I want to be is apolitical for all damn times. 

But I can't be, 

Malala be my friend, 

Mahsa I am sorry for what you went

Anne can I be still make amends ?

Years have passed and I still feel the same 

War is for no good cause and no grounds are changed

I hope you all live long enough in the heaven and never come back here

Peace is a word, peace is what world leaders , fear,

A bloody night mare

I hope we don't go for another war , 

I am terrified of arms and ammunitions, 

I am off beaten to the paths of being a living evidence of all the unsuccessful military operations

But I really wanna be dead. 

Demise is a calm thought 

No explosives and No torpedoes here I my room ,

All the misfortunes end when I can't feel a nerve in my body 

So cannot live to see my loved ones die. 

Not a feeling left to feel gruesome or annoyed, 

To feel petulance or pine

To live for the hope of it all,

Or to anticipate the end of my mourns

Faith in my fears and fear in my faiths would end the day I expatriate 

Learn, and unlearn for a while, relearn and master all my climbs , for the generation suicide

I live in a world where I am their destiny's child 

Because good riddance shall come to me only when I will die. 

Leeza