Goodbye god: the death's last call

 Goodbye God: The death's last Call

Who would give me peace?

If not you Lord?

Who would hear out my grief?

If not you lord?

Who would love me till my last breath?

If not you lord?

Who would solve the feud of my sexuality?

If not you lord?

Who would love me unconditionally?

If not you lord

Who would help me to accomplish the best being a part of this worse?

If not you lord?

Who would bless my burnt ashes?

If not you lord?

Who would help me seek enlightenment through my disabled soul,

Just because it loves women being a woman itself,no more 

If not you Lord?

Who would be there to shower the flowers of benefidiction on my funeral pyre?

If not you lord?

All I dream is the serenity of my crime,

All I want is the peace that have still not find,

All I cherish is the realisation that you are there,

But all I cry for is the immense disrespect in this world's fair,

Below the carcasses of homophobic vulnerability ,

Underneath the piousness of maniac good deeds,

All I got was whiplashes intermingled with loose character certificate,

I tried to protrude my self, 

I try to pray diruanely to cut off the cacophony of drenched unease,

I tried to love myself to laugh at my own sexually ashamed identity.

The dignity of gender and sexuality get affirmed to cut my bones,

Where self deprivation seek self sabotage of my sinful soul to be born like this,

I quest for my raison d'être in the forest that lack faith and have opened their gates for me to further fall,

I lie down and look at the stars,

thinking how happy people like me become after their ultimate end take them to fight no sexual war,

I cry the tears of blood that have turned black now, so far,

My mental peace has dismantled into pieces,

My childhood was wasted in finding love and infactuation in other female traces,

And now i am an adult who seek self sexual cult,

Thinking it's better to be born asexual rather than being born in a soul of lesbian instead.

 

 I tried to help and serve everyone in need,

But still the taboo of belonging to LGBTQ community,

Has shattered my already fragile identity. 

God why did you make me different?

Almighty! Why is my existence so incoherent? 

Why they ask me to leave as soon as I enter, 

Why the society fear of me being an invocal hater,

Why am I treated like a blot on a white cotton shirt who need to rip off, 

Even my mom is judged for bearing a daughter like me who she should drop,

Even my cousins are backlashed for having a sister who is a perished contrary.

 Bickering the truth,

 I tried to swallow my insanely impune guts,

When loving a lesbian girl,

Becomes a distorted tag on your appreciable gestures clut,

Being a friend with her is only cool until you don't date her,

Cause otherwise you are a shame to this world who needed to be curbed,

Why god? why me?

Why almighty you cursed me in the pool of blood to bleed so baldly ?

Why the supreme being, you did this to me?

Made me abnormal, so I can become a trashcan to bear all this negative feeds.

No one to look for, 

no one to talk,

No one to love, 

no one to understand,

No where I can run, 

no where I can die,

No where I can seek justice, 

not even, nowhere i can lie,

No one to trust, 

No one to understand my unrest. 

Being known for the misdeed that you have done, 

I have become weary of my life and my breaths, 

Take me back, take me to hell, 

I am sure hell would be better than this evil's world, 

Infamy, slut, weird, lost, - are the words used to describe me, 

I am done with defending myself , 

I am done with protecting my mental health,

I am done with listening, 

I am done with this unfriendly disparity, 

All I want to say is that, I am done with being strong,

and now i want to die even in my dreams, that's my last wish,

Listen to me the most immortal soul.

Leeza