IN THE TORNADOES OF MY TRAUMA

Would years of traumas  change me too?

As when I cry, louder than the sky,
After a minute or two, I start laughing again, 
The sequences of feeling, I have a life to deal this.

Was I growing then or am I growing now?
Why I am so  bruised ? 

As tears flashes out of my mouth,
Why don't I change, or do I wanted to be the same?

 

Killing ingenuity, feeding skin and bones to howls,
Splashing on lipstick, looking ugly, ouch
Trembling through my feet, panicking my way up,
Looking at the Moon, burning like the sick the month of june.

Why do people come to me and tell me?
That I am not normal, and I freak out a lot,
Like do they  really  have some apathy in the frozen shows,
Weeding out on tumoils, weeping like a storm.

Am I little  wrong to expect empathy or sympathies?
Ringing in head, opened on the sore abdomen,
Put a bandage where it hurts,
And Or cut me more than enough.

Do One thing, not simultaneously both.
Make A list, of what you wanna loose,
Me Or this, because it's probably gonna sale
Away from you, away to hide and bale (out).

It has now become a game, where we both lose,
Apparently, the same, cursing out and going Insane.
Never felt so dumb and out of place,
Digging my own sequential grave.

Whilst  saying understood, Repeating the same,
So casually making this cruelty displace, 
Me and my traumas in disgrace,
As I acknowledge, that this will decay.

Eventually, so genuinely, the castles  instantly,
Wrecking rain, majesty, I have grown reckoning this race,
Seizures open, clock crumbles, I don't feel, so emotionally,
Burning the house, I built in years to ashes and decay.

Imposter syndrome has hit Me hard
I just laugh when I feel Too much, 
I have learnt to hide well my scars,
Wreckin' ball breaking my glass towers.

So here I grow and I know,
How I should feel not how I feel,
What to learn and what to not,
As I failed in life , so miserably.

I don't want love, I don't want my life in so. much rut,
I wanted to feel like a human, instead,
And sort life out and still fall out, 
But I end up falling back in the heaps of baggage, leakage in my head.

Leave me in this, with patience, Space me out ,with your innumerable reasons,
I can guarantee, I got a bypass surgery,
As my cardiac arrest got seasoned,
I don't even hope, because I know my nervous system is nervously so poisoned.

They came to hit me, like jet streams so Instantly,
And I felt hurt, and my depression met my contemplation
Crossing in temptation, in the dunes of erosion,
So I took expulsion, from this constant corrosion.

Freezing my emotions, till life falls in motion,
Ocean deep explosion, portion size apologies , unspoken
April feels like autumn, petulance makes me wholesome,
All inward commotion, but outward built like Romans.

LEEZA ~