IT ENDED WITH ME, AS IT STARTED WITH ME
IT ENDED WITH ME, AS IT STARTED WITH ME
People often say it ends with us. No it doesn't, it ends with the one with whom it has started. Though it ends with us in reality but still the truth is it was never meant to be ended. We did that because we thought it would go, grow and glow. But see we have failed, or I should say collapsed like other couples . We ain't any different. I have given up on you and I know someway you would too. But look at me, I have tried so much. So much so you could be a better person and see you have tried so much by telling me that yes you have done wrong but you have been born like this and you have been doing this to everyone. When you really meant to say that see I won't change because I have been like this, but I, in my delusional and more than occasional optimism thought that it meant that one day you would be a better person.
But you chose not to. You tried to make me adjust and compromise with your negatives and i tried to change you. Was I a fool? Yes I was. Did I make a fool of myself? Yes I did. Did I keep falling for your half baked sorries and half hearted non workable conspiracies theories? Yes I did. But would I now? No, I won't. Today I had a dream where I saw, in which you were apologizing and I was laughing accepting your apology like I always did, thinking you would change. But when I woke up it was a dream, but then I washed up my face and went to the park for a walk. Did I think about you? Yes a lil, but do I feel that I should go back to you even after so much thinking. No. Why? Because you have proved me that weak man doesn't change, weak men make you weak. So you become so weak that you are also afraid to change. So am I changing? Yes I am.
I feel when I am apart from you, I have the power to conquer and change. Maybe your love made me a lil too comfy and indeed your love was so good when it was the moment. But it was a disgust when you don't want to. Did I feel used? No, I feel ruined but ruined enough to rise again and become unbreakable. Do I miss you. No, I do remember you but I don't miss you. Do I want you back? Yes, but only in some other life. Do I admire you as a human? Indeed. Do I admire you as a lover? Never. Was I blind enough to be in all this? No I could very much see, how it could end and see it has ended but I waited patiently to see how much pain and grief I could handle and see I am capable of handling all this all for once and in the gravest of situations.
I am burning the bridges and burying myself inside those. Look when I am away, my skills are getting stronger and my heart more tender . This is the paramount of holding on to the handbag of healing. I was holding on my healing that could very start within 8-9 months or mostly around an year. But see the second year has passed and the creation of us is rising in dust. Why love? When you can hate? Why express ? When you can be quiet? Why be polite? When you can be mean? Why care? When you can be indifferent? are the motos of your unhappy survival. But see, look at me i have learned something from you as I am like - why cry? When you can? What I can? Move towards healing, greatness and growth of my mind and my body.
Classic breakups happen daily but this would be an understatement for this, this was a classic survival to separation bond. It's not that i could give you all and you could take all and not put that in your heart but in the store room of your heart. You have the habit of accumulating and storing love but never spreading it. But it was love , it has the capacity to quantify itself more by multiplying it. But you chose not to do so and so here you are empty and see you made me almost empty. But still I can refill my heart and again spread it. But can you? No you can't. You can never, even if the whole World expresses that how much you mean to them, still you can't. Why? Because you are weak, fearful and a failure in your personal life.
You can only win in your professional life and maybe your family and friends have adjusted to your working and love you but because you don't have the power to reciprocate so you would always be lonely, loathsome and unlikable at many points or even if people might like you but still you won't be completely happy with yourself because you have cut your power to love enough
The power to fall in love with small things and express them makes this life worth living . So here it ends with me as it only started with me .
People often say it ends with us. No it doesn't, it ends with the one with whom it has started. Though it ends with us in reality but still the truth is it was never meant to be ended. We did that because we thought it would go, grow and glow. But see we have failed, or I should say collapsed like other couples . We ain't any different. I have given up on you and I know someway you would too. But look at me, I have tried so much. So much so you could be a better person and see you have tried so much by telling me that yes you have done wrong but you have been born like this and you have been doing this to everyone. When you really meant to say that see I won't change because I have been like this, but I, in my delusional and more than occasional optimism thought that it meant that one day you would be a better person.
But you chose not to. You tried to make me adjust and compromise with your negatives and i tried to change you. Was I a fool? Yes I was. Did I make a fool of myself? Yes I did. Did I keep falling for your half baked sorries and half hearted non workable conspiracies theories? Yes I did. But would I now? No, I won't. Today I had a dream where I saw, in which you were apologizing and I was laughing accepting your apology like I always did, thinking you would change. But when I woke up it was a dream, but then I washed up my face and went to the park for a walk. Did I think about you? Yes a lil, but do I feel that I should go back to you even after so much thinking. No. Why? Because you have proved me that weak man doesn't change, weak men make you weak. So you become so weak that you are also afraid to change. So am I changing? Yes I am.
I feel when I am apart from you, I have the power to conquer and change. Maybe your love made me a lil too comfy and indeed your love was so good when it was the moment. But it was a disgust when you don't want to. Did I feel used? No, I feel ruined but ruined enough to rise again and become unbreakable. Do I miss you. No, I do remember you but I don't miss you. Do I want you back? Yes, but only in some other life. Do I admire you as a human? Indeed. Do I admire you as a lover? Never. Was I blind enough to be in all this? No I could very much see, how it could end and see it has ended but I waited patiently to see how much pain and grief I could handle and see I am capable of handling all this all for once and in the gravest of situations.
I am burning the bridges and burying myself inside those. Look when I am away, my skills are getting stronger and my heart more tender . This is the paramount of holding on to the handbag of healing. I was holding on my healing that could very start within 8-9 months or mostly around an year. But see the second year has passed and the creation of us is rising in dust. Why love? When you can hate? Why express ? When you can be quiet? Why be polite? When you can be mean? Why care? When you can be indifferent? are the motos of your unhappy survival. But see, look at me i have learned something from you as I am like - why cry? When you can? What I can? Move towards healing, greatness and growth of my mind and my body.
Classic breakups happen daily but this would be an understatement for this, this was a classic survival to separation bond. It's not that i could give you all and you could take all and not put that in your heart but in the store room of your heart. You have the habit of accumulating and storing love but never spreading it. But it was love , it has the capacity to quantify itself more by multiplying it. But you chose not to do so and so here you are empty and see you made me almost empty. But still I can refill my heart and again spread it. But can you? No you can't. You can never, even if the whole World expresses that how much you mean to them, still you can't. Why? Because you are weak, fearful and a failure in your personal life.
You can only win in your professional life and maybe your family and friends have adjusted to your working and love you but because you don't have the power to reciprocate so you would always be lonely, loathsome and unlikable at many points or even if people might like you but still you won't be completely happy with yourself because you have cut your power to love enough
The power to fall in love with small things and express them makes this life worth living . So here it ends with me as it only started with me .
Comments
Post a Comment