FRAUD

When I write good things and when people read them , they are happy , elated and they feel loved but when I write something really cruel and devasting and dangerous , they call me out , that I shouldn`t be not so mean. They don`t get what made me mean ? their apathy , indifference, disinterest in my existence and living . when you love hard enough , then you even feel the turmoil hard enough . the curse comes brutally harming your soul , your body , your existence and then you die. Am I breathing ? yes I am . am I living ? no I ain`t. I have to allow myself to forgive people and heal my wounds . love is a distortion of calamity and chaos. First it happens , then it hurts , then you start healing and this sudden sensation inside you get culled slowly and steadily . it requires courage to write what you feel. Few people do that either its love or loath . healing is a process that requires forgiveness and the gratefulness . I have learnt to be grateful for what has happened in my life . I have to be strong and acknowledge that both of us would have been somewhere wrong . also we are two very different people that failed to intermingle in each other. I was the loud and expressive one . I always use to shout on the top of my lungs that how much I love him. That I still do . maybe he loves me and he want to talk things out but as long as the time passes , I know he won`t text me or maybe do that very later, when I would have gone somewhere . 

Afcourse I know that few years down the line he would feel like why I lost her ? and maybe I might feel that too , but does that matter ? no it doesn`t right now . because ...

The disgust with which you treat a lady doesn`t make her to hate you but make her to look at you a way with grace that how good you look and how bad you can do to her . lieing , blindfolding her to the truths , demean her , get her disrespected , take her ungranted for a long while, then love bomb her , be rude , indifferent and distant . ishq ki sachi intahan use paane main nhi, par use pakar kho dene mai hai , aur vo ishq hi kya jisme intahan na ho, aur jo ishq behintahan na ho . but if he would ask someday that why he lost me , kah dena use baaki sab to shayad mai sah leti par jhootha vada nhi sah paai , uska aadha adhoora sa vada sadma de gya mujhe . aur jatein vakt bhi maine yahi kahan aisa vadan kisi dusri ladki se mat karna, usase sach kah dena , mar jaaegi vo aur ho sakta ahi vo meri tarah itni bahadur naho ki tumhe chodh nikal paae aur uske halaat aise na ho par vo rozana tadap kar marti rahegi . ek cheez mangi thi vo bhi sirf isliye kyuki kaafi tareeko se mazboor thi , par uski banwati haa ko mai pakad na saki , aur mujh afsar banana hai? Kaise banugi mai afsar ? shyad ban hi jaaugi. Sache pyaar ka to pta nhi but jhoothe pyaar ke afsane hai mere pas . aur sacha mile na mile aisa har sadak chalte rodo par yuhi bikta aur bantein hai isme tumhari ruh ki boli chadhti hai , aur aapko sasta sauda lagta hai to aap lelete ho par janab , baadme interest aur khareed faroshi ki sharto ke sath ye aapki ruh ke sath aapke dil ,shareer, mastiksh aur fakr ko bhi ek aadh saal mai khareed leta hai aur kuch vakt baad aapko pta chalta hai aap ka diwaliya nikal chukka hai aur aap ke hath mai kuch nhi bacha hai aur aapke hath khali hai aur fir jaise hi aapko iss baat ka gyat hota hai aap khareeddar ko bolkar chalte bante ho aur khareeddar kuch nhi kahta vo aapko jane deta hai . 

Par aap ka 95% hissa ab bik chukka hai aur ab aap bache kuche se kaam chala rhe hote ho aur jaise jaise ek aadh mahine mai vo 20-25 % ke kareeb hota hai to khareeddar ko aapki yaad aa jaati hai . vo aapko sampark karta hai aur kahta hai , ki usane aapka sara 95% apna purana karz aur bakaya churane mai kho diya aur ab use aur udhar chahiye aap use bahut mana karte ho par kyuki vo aapko apne aap ko itna mazboor dikhata hai to ek ache insan hone ke natein aap use apna 20 % dedete ho aur vo kahta hai aap poori koshish nhi kar rhe uska karz utarne mai aur aap use apna bacha kucha 5% bhi dedete ho aur ant mai vo uska bhi istemal karke raffuchakkar ho jata hai , bahut pyaar ke sath aapko alvida kahte hue. Par ab aap khali ho , poore khali , poora khali , aapke paas sirf swal hai , sirf swal, bahut sare swal aur ab aap usase sampark karte ho par vo kahta hai – “tum mujhse chahte kya ho ,maine pyaar se bina behas ke alvida kah to diya.”par aap ko lagta hai aapko to sammohit karke thag liya gya tha aur dheere dheere aapko hosh aane lagta hai aur aap use batate ho ki –“ tumne to apna karz chukane ke baad aur sharte poori hone ke baad ye sab karne ke vada kiya tha” par vo aapke muh ke samne mana kardeta hai aur kahta hai-“ nhi mere ab aise halaat nhi ki mai aapka koi bhi vada pooora kar paau , aage hoga to mai aapse sampark karlunga “ aap usase baar baar puchte rahte ho ki ye to tumne mere saaath fraud kiya hai , par vo kahta hai – "kaisa fraud meri stithi nhi hai " ,aur aap use apni stithi ke baarein mai batate ho par vo use sire se kharej kar deta hai aur aapko bahas band karne ke liye kahta hai par aap ab sab samjh chuke ho ki usane aap se jitna faayda uthana tha utha liya hai aur  nhi utha sakta hai par kal ki tarik mai ye fraudiya , bhes badal kar behroopiya ban kar firse aae to ab aapko iske muh par darwaza maar kar dena hai aur aap usase sada liye sampark tod dete ho.

The End