A personalised letter

A personalised letter

wailing to handle your monster

 i could never forget 28th January ,2022 . what happened? to your love?was it a hallucination or a hurricane?its been more than 1 year and this was the first time i saw this you. the you i never wanted to see, or the you , you never wanted me to see.  i cried , no i wailed , i guess i wailed to demise yesterday. i am scared of you, yes i am scared of your anger , i am scared to know about the monster that resides inside you. i might not be able to feel as safe with you as i felt before,the quoted words with which you thrashed my soul existence have curtailed my mind to think anything. i fear , i am afraid , i am shut for moments during days. i might never be able to feel so secure with you anytime soon. i am introspecting my consciousness  that why love comes with so much hate that it hurts you up. i felt like crying even today, and i cried a bit . i never thought you would be so rude to me ever , like ever . i never knew silence provokes so much solitude that it eats your feeling and leaves your heart with hate and humiliation.

 my little heart still couldn`t possess that your one call could make me cry even after 3 days . my eyes are all wet and hands are all running down to abstract my thoughts , you know certain incident requires healings and it is one of them . its difficult to trust anything you say and it derails my heart into tiny pieces. i am just writing this to tell you one more time that i might not be able to love you ever if this happens again and if you feel it could , address this cause it takes my soul out of me . crying is just a physical cope up mechanism , the realism lies in my gut , in my mind , in my heart, with the words of war you spilled on me without a single thought of how would she cope cause' I have felt is just about the matter of time and besides the chain of spread the flashes of them kill my will to look at you with those same eyes . my ears are terrified to believe your promises and my tears are drilled to fall out to stage of the grief and my hands are trampling on the letters of the keyboards to address the encounter of pain , i am battling alone , at nights when i try to fall asleep during my solitude to slide my eye lid to rest but again few drops  here and there and my pillow evident  my healings  and addresses to befriend my hurt to caress me till I my cutes are cured and my suffering get soothed away to feel once again secure. 

~Yours