FAITH IN FAILURES

I have changed so much in these yesteryears 

And even my ways to yearn have yawned over that how life has been

Life was never easy 

Or maybe I am an ungrateful skeleton of dichotomy 

I am standing back at the circle 

From where I started

After going around in circles for a while 

No friends ,but even when I had few

I never cared for them and I still don't . 

Somethings never change

They never do 

I am the same unsuccessful bitter kid of 3rd grade (in my mind or maybe I am) 

Who is fearing the hell out the debacle and trying to keep it up

And failing simultaneously at it

Oh lord , you know I am doing everything I can 

Or maybe I don't 

But if you wanna see my patience?

After leaving no other option for me 

I am staying still and now I am accustomed to it 

I hardly know who I was

Or who I have become in the process of trying & failing 

Trying and nailing 

Trying and sailing

Show me the flag or the fire , 

But I am even fine without any of that 

Misery has slept on me for years ,

Just like happiness has. 

But I am peaceful in a turbulent way 

Swimming in the riptide of hope and harvest 

What else can I do ?

If not wait and try , 

wait and try again, 

wait and lie again, 

about being fine 

( I am Really fine, no I am. Just lying) 

But I am fine ,

Look at my eyes,or how I walk 

I am not going to cry anymore 

Maybe I could 

But I am not gonna weep forever 

For the loss of my endeavors 

Its fine to lose when you try 

Its fine to lose when you know no other option is alive

But can I still have the last hope? 

Savour me some hope

If there is no Food to bite 

Savour me a dream, that swim me back to life

I wanna have it all

I wanna have it and cry

I wanna try in the most annoyingly intangible ways

But I wanna try till I die

Because if I die 

I wanna die with faith and failures

But not sleep against the regret of waiting for the chance to win

Because there are no chances, there is only life that is left unlived by

An unlived life is a mundane bite to chew 

An insipid tale of half empty lies and hollow what ifs

And I wanna be left with no what ifs and remorses of staying stiff

When I could just have faith and try, one more time. 

Leeza