I WAS DOING A BIT OF MATHS ~ Lyrics ( extended version)

I WAS DOING A BIT OF MATHS 

and all the boys I know

are marrying the girls from their school days

and all the girls I know

are in love with the boys from their college phase

and here I am sit

being in love with nobody except my soulmate

and here I sit

not knowing who is my soulmate 

all of my friends are single as hell

or marrying off just to have kids 

all of the people I know 

are telling me to settle down

and here I am settling down

being in love with nobody except my dreams

and here I settle

thinking who my dreams are really about?

all of the world , grew up to tell me 

that childhood love is a lucky fantasy

but all I feel is , loving someone , 

when I can`t spell , “love” seems a tragedy

all of these people love the idea of significant other

when I can`t be me with my significant other 

habitual of altering my personality to fit the cages of what is expected out of me 

to find at the very end , that marriage was never my first priority 

and I don`t blame nobody , expect myself 

because marriage is a destiny [or a destined trap]

and maybe I am just unfortunate 

though death looks like my forever soulmate 

and all the boys I know

are marrying the girls from their school days

and all the girls I know

are in love with the boys from their college phase

and here I am sit

being in love with nobody except my soulmate

and here I sit

not knowing who is my soulmate 

and I won`t lie about not being chased off 

loved off , expected off , to act lady like to get love bite in a portion size 

but all I got was anxiety and uncertainty and sometimes excessive stupidity

now you all know , why my phone is always on DND 

all of my friends are single as hell

or marrying off to a boy who loves to yell

all of the people I know

told me to find someone , till I turn 30 

and here I am finding myself 

finding my deliberate hate for physical intimacy 

and here I found 

that I feel safe with nobody

and yesterday , I was doing a bit of maths

how all money in my bank account is cash

and yesterday , I had one of those dreams 

where all of my exes were competing in failing marriages 

and then I saw one of my friend 

telling me how her husband treats her like doormat 

and yesterday , I had one of those dreams 

where all the wives of my exes , blamed me for not warning them, enough 

and I get , you would love me for saying that

life without a partner is insipid - worth living drag to death 

but yesterday , I was doing a bit of maths 

if I have enough cash , the taste of life is acquired to not live like someone`s doormat .

and yesterday , I was doing a bit of maths

how all money in my bank account is cash

and yesterday , I was doing a bit of maths

if it doesn`t work , you don`t have to trade off your self respect for life long sulk 

and yesterday , I was doing a bit of maths

if you want a family , family is what you get 

and yesterday , I was doing a bit of maths

marriage and love are nothing , if your emotions are unaddressed

marriage and love are nothing, if you , yourself are just a mess 

marriage and love are nothing, if you are an adult stuck in 19 year old fantasy

marriage and love are nothing, if all the love you get, feels like apathy 

marriage and love are nothing, if zoning out is not a game you play , to pretend safety

and yesterday , I was doing a bit of maths

being close to someone forever is a dysfunctional trap

and yesterday , I was doing a bit of maths

pick your poison but don`t put the poison on yourself 

and yesterday , I was doing a bit of maths

love & all is fine but marriage is a “who can pretend the best to be happy?” type of crap 

and yesterday , I was doing a bit of maths

pick your poison but don`t poison yourself

and yesterday , I was doing a bit of maths

if you have a family , congrats 

and yesterday , I was doing a bit of maths

if your partner loves you , love him back .

if your partner loves you , love him back.

if your partner loves you , love him back.

if your partner loves you , love him back, too.

[outro ]

marriage can be a fairytale or a blind bloodbath 

I get you , get what you all said

i might find love , but I don`t need it , 

I am not hopeless, but hopes doesn`t bleed me .